Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Slowly severed

In what is surely going to be the most heroic effort in being laid off made by a creative writer in corporate america (in 2011, San Francisco, by someone who uses cuteoverload.com and humor to aid in getting through the day) the saga of being severed drags on.  It is now "yes, HR will be contacting you," which means it's officially known that I've proactively passively not applied for a job in the new organization and therefore opted out.  BUT, there is still no end in sight.  And in fact a vaguely threatening, "I can keep you here as long as I need you" was uttered this week.   Shudder.  Now, I know that's not the worst scenario: it does give me more time to save, to begin adjusting my spending habits ($11 cocktails, I will miss you most), ponder my life choice.  But with the end date a murky couple months away and no definite end point (and therefore no ability to plan things like, oh, Christmas) I feel a little ill.
(a photo I took in Tauranga, New Zealand in 2009.  Sums up how I feel about this process)
While I'm very good at using humor to keep myself from losing my shit, I'm also really really good at perseverating over things that make me feel anxious, and my job (especially now) is the focus of WAY too many mental hours and has been for WAY WAY too long (shall we say, all of 2011?).  My coping mechanisms at work are breaking down and while I'd like to think the real me was emerging from that, I think it might just be the real stressed me.  She's not pretty, I'd like her to go back into her closet please.

The thing is, work, while currently item #1 in my areas of thought-sucking ruminations, is just one thing going on, and there really are so many many good things going on.  Last night I got to read with Evan Karp's brainchild Quiet Lightning and it was crazy good.  A group of emerging authors, the loveliest audience a reader could have, lights strung across Chicken John's ceiling like a barn dance might break out at any moment and the distinct sense that it was just plain good to be there.  Writers who help other writers are my heros.  I've also been re-introduced to James Burke's Connection series (here's a taste on YouTube, but you can also get the whole thing at the San Francisco Public Library), an alternative view of change (man, I need that right now).  It makes my brain tingle.  Oh, and very very soon I leave for a pacific northwest tour (i.e. visiting the fam in Oregon and Washington) to finally meet my nephew Ryder James Rice (I hope he likes me).  So, that's not even a complete list of good things going on, and at least in quantity outweigh work.  It's good to be reminded that right now, that part of life is in shadow.  But soon we'll pass through onto the sunny side.
Meanwhile, as I'm ever so slowly severed, I am thankful for friends, words, and websites that make me happy.

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